by Barb Abramson | Jan 4, 2016 |
The beginning of another year –
I don’t make resolutions. I don’t believe in waking up on the first day of each year, determined to turn my life in another direction. Those kinds of declarations rarely stick.
Instead, I look for ways to be more present in my everyday life. And for me, the best way to stay present is to stay connected –with myself – and others.
On one hand (did you look at the picture) I have to have “Me” time – my personal health and well-being depends on it. If I am not fully present with myself, or don’t fill my own bucket first, I am not able to do so for others.
Here Are Five Ways I Stay Connected To Me
Experience Nature – Going for a walk and feeling the breeze in the air lifts my spirits. The sound of the rustle in the leaves, sings to me and the colors are inspiring. It doesn’t matter the season; I find joy in every walk. The pace doesn’t even matter, it’s about moving my body and noticing life blooming all around me.
Read – I love getting lost in a good book and taking a journey somewhere new. I prefer physical books, but on occasion read them on an electronic device. Even audio books are great, especially in the car. Even if it’s only a half hour per day that I escape into another world, it’s valuable me time.
Travel – There are so many places I want to visit and I don’t know if I will get to all of them, but I don’t want to live with regrets that I never went anywhere. Day trips are valuable too; a change of scenery can be an adventure. It’s easy to get stuck in a routine and stay close to home. Venture out and have fun in new places.
Experience – Try something new. Last year I went zip lining for the first time. It was a blast. But if you are not the outdoor adventure type, something new such as a cooking or art class can be fun.
Meditate – Turning off your mind to outside stimuli is a great way to recharge. Sometimes there is so much coming at me from so many different ways that I get overwhelmed. A few deep breaths and some soothing music allow me to drift to a peaceful place.
Now, on the other hand, life is expanded when experiences include others. Sharing time with others opens you up to their feelings, viewpoints, wants and needs. But connecting doesn’t mean just being in the same space together; it is about going below the surface to discover more about each other and how you can add to their lives.
Here Are Five Ways To Connect More Deeply To Others
Be Present – Put away your cell phones and other electronic devices. The emails, text messages, social media posts will all be there later. Paying attention to outside stimuli sends a message you care more about “things” than relationships.
Be An Active Listener – If you are so busy trying to figure out what you want to say next, you really aren’t hearing what others are saying. Someone once referred to this as “having your own motion picture going in your head.” Relationships are so much better when you are both watching the same movie!
Discover Their “Why” – We all bring our learned values and experiences to every relationship. Past events shape our lives. “Why” someone acts or feels the way they do about any situation is directly connected to their experiences. The more deeply you understand others, the stronger the relationship becomes.
Find Common Ground – It’s a natural tendency to want to hang out and get to know people we have things in common with. There are plenty of groups online that help facilitate those experiences. When you don’t know in advance that you have like interests, asking questions about birthplace, hobbies, passions, etc., is a great place to start. A recent acquaintance and I discovered we both attended the same camp at the same time when we were kids during a conversation. It’s a common bond we will always share.
Be Open-Minded – I have a unique set of beliefs, opinions and ways of doing things. They work for me, but I don’t expect everyone I meet to buy into them. My conversations would be pretty boring if everyone agreed with everything I said. I have very dear friends who hold different religious and political beliefs, raise their children differently and view many aspects of life through a different lens. Those actions and views are right for them. We can agree to disagree and we trust each other enough to be open-minded about having ideas that vary from our own way of thinking. It makes for some interesting conversation too!
Did you notice the graphic at the top? Two hands representing 2016 equals 20 digits, not just 10. So here is an additional list of relationship builders for you.
The “Handy” Top Ten Attitudes That Will Make Your Relationships Even Better in 2016
Be Optimistic – We attract what we project out to the world. Always look for the silver lining.
Be Grateful – Appreciate what you already have instead of focusing on what isn’t there.
Be Joyful – Live your life enthusiastically. Savor each moment.
Be Possible – Yes, you can achieve your dreams. The path may not always be clear, but it is there. Believe in yourself.
Be Helpful – Whenever you see an opportunity to make someone’s life better, do it. Not only will the other person feel good, you will too.
Be Kind – Especially with your words. They remain behind.
Be Forgiving – Holding on to hurt and pain will rob you of your personal power. Most importantly, forgive yourself and move forward to better things.
Be Sincere – You’ve heard the phrase, “Say what you mean and mean what you say?” It applies to how you view yourself too.
Be Passionate – Live life to the fullest and give it your all. The rewards are equal to the passion behind the effort.
Be Amazing – Because you already are. Own it!
Wishing you a year of momentous relationships!
by Barb Abramson | Dec 6, 2015
I struggle with written directions. Reading financial statements stresses me out and makes my head spin. Following a written recipe is a challenge. I look like an early reader with my finger resting on each word.
Tell me the driving directions or share a recipe verbally and I’ve got it. I can visualize what I hear and I’m off and running, or driving, or cooking.
Back in my college days studying communication, I learned about the different ways people process information. My husband and I are complete opposites. Sometimes our conversations go in circles as we each try to get our point across in different ways.
I know I am an audio-digital learner because I process sounds and I’m sensitive to voices. I can’t hear two conversations at once; I simply shut down. If you talk to me while I’m watching TV, I only hear garble from both sources. The good news is you only have to tell me something once and I will almost always remember. But tell me something multiple times and I tend to get irritated.
“You told me already! I got it!”
My husband is a visual learner. He writes everything down and is a list maker to the ‘nth’ degree. There are envelopes and pieces of paper all over the house on which he writes the same notes over and over.
If I need him to pick up something at the store, he can’t keep that item in his head. He has to write it down. If he can take an empty container with him to see exactly what he needs, all the better. Unlike me, he prefers written directions and is challenged listening to a GPS.
I used to get really upset when he asked me for information, then had to wait for him to to write it down. I would find I would have to repeat the information several times until he finally had it all on paper. It was incredibly frustrating because I felt he wasn’t listening to me. I didn’t understand why I had to keep repeating myself. I didn’t get why he didn’t hear me.
“I told you already! Why don’t you hear me?”
It took me a long time to understand my husband wasn’t ignoring me. A recent conversation with a friend on communication styles brought my college lessons to the present. Once I remembered we communicate and process differently, it was as if lightning struck in a good way. (No, this one isn’t about my chimney.)
We also handle situations differently too. He wants to solve them immediately and move on to the next thing. If I don’t see a project as urgent, I set it aside until I believe it needs to be worked on.
For him, the perfectionist who wants everything done immediately, hearing it will be done is not the same as seeing it done. He has a hard time with my viewpoint that the project will get done when I’m ready to tackle it, and my timeline doesn’t have to be his. I wish he would take the time to rest and not make everything on his list a high priority.
We still have challenges, but understanding our different styles helped us to find our rhythm and to ease the frustration we both felt.
In order to effectively communicate with my husband, I need to respect and accommodate his learning style of writing things down.
We came up with a thumbs up symbol to let him know that I am taking care of whatever task he thinks I need to be handling; it lets him know I am aware and it is on my list.
What used to irritate us has led us to build a bridge between our different learning styles.
We are both learning patience.
Previously published on The Good Men Project
by Barb Abramson | Oct 25, 2015
Yes, the title sounds like the name of a networking group and I think I have even been to one with that name. I have made some incredible connections over coffee, but that is not where I am headed.
This is about a hospital experience and a brand of coffee, Barnie’s Santa’s White Christmas. The flavor was introduced during the holiday season in 1995 and soon became a year-round favorite.
The label lists it as a comfort brand, and I concur. Nuts, coconut, caramel, and vanilla waft slowly out of my cup, the aroma soothing, and warm.
I first discovered Santa’s White Christmas in the Florida Hospital cafeteria during the many months I visited my mom after her open-heart surgery in 2004.
The escalator from the parking garage exits right by the cafeteria. It became a routine to pop in for my morning cup of coffee on the way to ICU where Mom spent many weeks due to complications. That is another story for another time.
When Keurig first entered the market, Barnie’s was not yet in the game. I often saw packages of ground SWC in the stores. I no longer had a traditional drip coffee pot and there wasn’t a Barnie’s store near me.
Then finally it happened! Barnie’s K-Cups hit the shelves and I stocked up on my favorite brew.
Drinking it makes me smile. It is a hug in the morning. Even though my mom was in dire straights during those months, I have good memories. It was my break from ICU; a rehabilitative walk to the cafeteria to clear my head, the coffee pots in the familiar corner beckoning me.
This week, I visited with a friend who was at the same hospital, her father having just had surgery. I headed down the familiar escalator and felt the pull, turning right and heading back to the area I remembered the coffee pots were located.
I sighed with relief. In the back corner, lined up on the wall was the coffee section, and center stage my beloved Santa’s White Christmas!
Memories flooded back and I stood there for a moment before I reached for a cup and filled it with the warm brew. Even though it’s the same product I enjoy every morning in my kitchen, I think this cup had something a little extra in it. Thanks for the hug!
by Barb Abramson | Oct 16, 2015
Are you starting a new business and need to hire employees? No Problem!
Do you need to fill a customer order? No Problem!
Perhaps source out the right technology? No Problem!
How many times have you asked a question of a business, inquiring if something could be done and the response you received was “No Problem?”
Whether you are asking a waitress for a beverage, a retail clerk for help with a product or a technical support representative to solve your IT dilemma, “No Problem” is a phrase that should be eliminated from business vocabulary.
Take a closer look at the phrase and notice that it is comprised of two negative words, No and Problem. And that is a problem. Mindset experts will tell you that we integrate the words we hear, and although this phrase is commonplace, it tells us that something that should be a positive response actually has negative undertones.
No Problem? I would hope as the customer, that it is NOT a problem. I never imagined it would be. Why would you even suggest that? Any student of positive thinking, (often referred to as The Law of Attraction), believes that what you think is what you attract, and would argue that No Problem attracts, well, problems.
Try this exercise. Visualize saying “Thank You” to someone for a service and hearing them say “No Problem.” Now visualize the same person responding to your appreciating them by saying “My Pleasure.” Doesn’t that feel better? Say the words yourself. Don’t you feel a little more joyful expressing a higher positive response?
Our customers can sense attitudes in business. Organizations with a positive mindset attract and keep far more customers than those that believe in helping themselves before helping others. Connecting with your customers, establishing a friendly atmosphere and creating relationships are the key to successful business endeavors.
The Ritz Carlton Hotel chain requires its employees to say “My pleasure” in response to customer requests. Their culture strongly affirms that they are in business to WOW the customers.
I have had employees tell me they feel uncomfortable using the words, ‘My Pleasure.’ One said it sounded cheesy to her. I challenged her to find other phrases, that were positive, encouraging and put the customer first. She came up with several acceptable phrases, including, “Of course” – “I would be happy to” – “Absolutely” and “You’re welcome” to be used when appropriate.
Without our customers, we wouldn’t have a business. How well we serve them determines if they will come back. Therefore, we need to create a culture of loyal customers that will return again and again.How we treat our customers and our employees matter. It should never be ‘No Problem’ to get something done.
Instead, let the customer know you appreciate their business and you don’t take it for granted.
Because there really are No Problems – Only Situations and Opportunities!
Originally published Pakwired.com
Photo:Flicker / Ulrich Massier
by Barb Abramson | Oct 10, 2015 |
I recently conducted a workshop for a non-profit that organizes monthly activities for its member families. It is one of my favorite events to facilitate because the stories that are shared cover a wide span of ages and experiences. I always marvel at the giggles and affectionate glances that are exchanged as the family members uncover layers of memories that deepen their family bonds.
It doesn’t really matter if a family event is comprised of seniors and their adult children, or younger parents and their kids. The experiences they share are what connects them to each other in meaningful ways. Often, they both chip in their version and memories of the same event and if you pay close attention, you will see smiles and nods around the room as the rest of the participants relate to some of the stories.
Occasionally, the parent or child will share something the other has never heard before and that turns into a very special moment. A recent experience with my son in Washington, DC reminded me of those family workshops.
Part of the antenna recovered from the second tower. In the background, front pages of newspapers from around the world reporting the events of 911
Because of my background working for media, both in print and online, Joel arranged for us to visit the Newseum (News Museum), and together we touched the Berlin Wall, viewed the 911 exhibit as well as the history of comics and Newspaper Syndicates.
Joel knew this would be a home run activity that I would love. But I had no idea that one of the displays, the Pulitzer Prize-winning photos that wrapped around a curved wall and filled a room with images of joy, sadness, horror and adventure would hold a memory from his childhood I had never shared with him before.
This feeling in the room was equally reverent and emotional. Every Pulitzer Prize photo both in News and Feature categories were on display, along with descriptions and the story behind the photo from the photographer; how he or she got the shot. Some of the photos were stunningly beautiful, others horrific scenes of war or disaster.
The picture that stopped me in my tracks was taken in 1987 of Baby Jessica McClure, the little girl who fell down a well in Midland, Texas.
Scott Shaw’s Pulitzer Prize Winning Photo was taken as Baby Jessica McClure was pulled from the well in Midland, Texas. Originally published: Odessa (TX) American
Only a few months older than Joel, the incident happened just before his first birthday in October. I remember so clearly sitting up all night watching and praying with the nation for her rescue. And 58 hours later as she was pulled from the well, I was picking up my little boy out of his crib and holding him while he slept, grateful that he was safe and sound in my arms as she was once again in her mother’s. As I shared that story with Joel, I felt the tears again rolling down my cheeks.
Maybe Joel understands now why I always wanted to make sure he was safe growing up, by knowing who he was hanging out with and where he was. Even today, I appreciate his updates when he travels and arrives at his destination.
We experienced some amazing memories that weekend. It is something we will always have to talk about and as with the workshops, makes our family connection even stronger.
Photo:Flickr
